A True Love Lost

There is no other Love, that is as unconditional, always looking deep into your eyes with Love, waiting for your return, longing for your presence. Satisfied with any time you give at all, not ever judging you. Your heart is touched as you go about your day, thinking about what awaits your return with an openness given so freely.

Ever faithful, ever forgiving,ever loving... It is so obvious that your dear four legged friend has all the attributes, and is closest to being like God than many of us can ever hope to be.


In Memory of Ginger Kirkpatrick. 04-25-12. R.I.P.

Funny

Ok, so I am in the FALL of my life...not the summer I think. Something about turning 60 makes me think I have crossed that line. So I took a shower yesterday and still wash my head, it still has the shaved look...I am not bald yet. Got out of the shower and dried off. As I was getting dressed, I looked in the mirror and realized I had my towel wrapped around my head like I would normally do when I had hair. I laughed out loud at the realization I just automatically had wrapped my head in a towel as if I had hair! Speaking of hair....I love my wig. I am getting more compliments about it....especially from men. Yesterday one of our bankers told me with Dan there that he really liked my new haircut. I just smiled and thanked him, looking at Dan. And it is so easy! I am thinking it is time to go get it washed...the woman who I bought it from includes that in the purchase but she needs it for four hours! Yikes....might have get another one to get by. Big Smile, my biopsy for my mole was clear for any melanoma. Thank you Lord!

If I Die Young, Bury me in Satin

The Band Perry - Great Song! The good news is that I am not going to die young. In fact I am in the summer of my living! I did go to a funeral this week for a 92 year old woman, I never knew her, but being the mother of a friend,and her being 92 years old, I thought I should attend! OMG, the funeral home was packed for her! Lots of family and friends! The best part was seeing the coffin...so cute!!! It was a white enameled coffin and all the grandchildren and family members had written notes on it to her in various colored marking pens, it was such a great idea! There were lots of older people there...and all i can say is I am glad I only had stage one BC! Dying is something you do...up until then you are still living. It's how you live that counts. Even if you are in pain, or stressed, it is how you decide to live through it. Makes sense...paraphrased word from a wise doctor. God news this week: White blood cell counts are great! No melanoma freckles on the retinas of my eyes! Still waiting for path report on a mole that I had checked....just to be safe! Lots of ladies around that have had breast cancer...and they are all different, but we still compare. One friend, Jane McC, told me she had a cup taken out of her boob and she had gained 13 pounds during chemo. After my first treatment, I was actually thinking I would be losing about 10 pounds and I was counting on it! But after this second treatment, I have been starving!!! Yikes.. I am going to have to be careful. I am reading at night before I go to bed, it is more peaceful! I cannot understand why a man would do a buzz cut on their head. My hair hurts when I rub my hand over it. Weird! I am waiting for my cousin Uncle Tim to come out of arm surgery, we are blessed to have such a great hospital in our area. I even went to the cafeteria just for some tapioca pudding. Hmmmm, I don't want to gain 13 pounds!

5 days Post Chemo

So, I guess I have been busy! Just trying to prove I can still be at work and matter. Seems to be a theme that is holding me back and that I need to let go of...because no one else really cares except me! My mom quit working at fifty, and could never make herself feel worthy enough after that... I don't want to go there...but there really is something being involved with keeping up with technology,I worry for my grandchildren to be...., this is serious. Otherwise there are just service jobs for the future. <(Debbie Downer). Anyhow....I went to work after chemo on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. So "Ta Dah". I did it.. Side effects from chemo....much different this time...only a little achy, still haven't taken any nauseous pills, only two naps for two hours, slightly funny tongue, but not so metallic-ee! However I cooked dinner on Sunday night, and everything tasted like salt...I had to keep having Dan and DJ taste the food to make sure it was ok....I hope they weren't lying. I did make spaghetti, which Dan took over making at home for the last thirty years. I could tell he was agonizing and aweating it out because I was not making it his way. He actually complemented me at the end of the night saying it was good! That was like the horse being taken to the water and actually drinking it! Sure hope he wasn't telling me that because I just had Chemo! I did a lymph massage on Friday, they tell me I have to do it for the rest of my life on Sunday. It involves massaging the limb that is now disabled forever, (which I have been telling everyone that Dan is going to have a diamond and ruby bangle made that says "limb alert" for me to wear forever...so I don't forget they can't take blood or my blood pressure on my right arm. I am actually hoping he listens and has one made...I may have to lay the ground work for it though....besides...I am due! (just kidding, he has always been very generous..this is just a novel idea). So the next day after the massage, my hand broke out in a burning rash. I wanted to blame it on massaging my hand while the chemo was still running around in my body...but it broke out on both hands. I saw the dermotologist today, and she prescribed a cortisone cream for me! Hope it works, because this sure burns. But again, I am constantly coming across others that are far worse. I have a friend that told me her hands and feet are always broken out and burn! I am a lucky one for sure! The dermotologist also did a biopsy on a mole that's changed colors..but just since the chemo started. I have watched the mole forever....so we will see on Friday to make sure it is nothing. She doesn't think it is a problem, so let's keep our fingers crossed. The next step is to have an eye exam and make sure I don't have any weird retinal cancer spots since I have these weird neuro-melanin cells in my lymph. I have always been a mole-ee person forever! Of course the dermotologist does not haven't a single freckle on her skin...how do you do that? I should have protected my kids more!!!! More cards, presents, and flowers! I can't thank everyone enough for everything, and from my best friends, their time and support! I wouldn't know all about this after I die, so it means so very much now. Again, I am so very lucky...my goal now is to just make sure I live my life as He would want me to,so that my Eternal Life is deserved..there really is nothing more I could want...sure to be there for my children and husband and future grandchildren, but in the end..our life on earth is really all about the end game. Of course I hope that is for at least another Twenty years! I am going to die trying anyway!!!! And results of my chemo symptoms.. I don't have to cook or wash dishes for at least a week after chemo!!! Goodnight Moon!

Chemo #2

So, went to breakfast with Dan after packing my bag for the office (the oncolgist's office where I will be for three hours)at McDonald's for coffee and oatmeal! 9:15 am is my appointment time so I have to in for CBC labs first. Ruth was not my friend, the pin prick in my finger hurt, and it hurt worse than anything else that happened today! I saw Dr. K and told him I did well my first treatment and he agreed. He liked the new me wherein I switched my real wig out for Katie M's Hot Pink Wig and my new boa and pink t-shirt from Halee B! Of course Melanie who was my nurse today got a big kick out of it and Tami from the last time told me she figured. Meganne McC came to take pictures of me on her birthday! I had her Easter present with me that said "wine takes the bitch out of me". Seriously she liked it! What a great friend to continually photograph me! Paula P dropped by during my chemo to give Meganne her beautiful birthday necklace. I still have to get her present. I spoke to some of the other chemo gals today....one has been in about 18 times for lung cancer! She looked like she was in her 70's and was very chipper. Another young woman walked in and after Paula and Meganne left I questioned her! She had breast cancer and thyroid cancer previously. She has had 16 chemo appts and the next 6 weeks she has to have chemo! 32 years old with four children, with a smile on her face. What an inspiration.....I will pray for her everyday...I will see her in three weeks. Ok...I went shopping and bought a green sweatshirt for Ireland and a shawl for Church. THEN I WENT AND HAD MY HEAD SHAVED to beat the mess...it is a buzzed 0, the kind Dan used to do for the boys! Went to work for two hours...might get used to this! I left the refrigerator wide open after I left for work this am after I took all my herbal extras! Yikes, good thing DJ went home for lunch and discovered it! The men in my house don't want to see me bald...so I am wearing a soft "swimming cap look" hat made for me by a dear friend! Goodnight Moon! We will see about tomorrow!

Tomorrow I will wear PINK!

Twas the Night Before Chemo #2

Ok - I admit my anxiety level is building...here is what I did to counteract it today! I started out with Pilates at 5:00am with Maggie and Tobi for an hour of talking,sharing and stretching... 2 hour meeting at Brick Packaging....probably not so good for me...but I did share some feelings...connected with Papi so that worked out OK. Massage with KB at 1:00pm....one hour of sharing and then finally relaxing! A massage is good for the body and the soul. A visit to "The Herb Shop" in TC.. Purchased Aloe Drink to heal from the inside, Vitamin B-12 equal to a shot for stamina, and live probiotics to ward off the mouth and VAJJ infections....we will see if these help this time! OK THIS IS MY FIRST TIME TO REALLY GET INTO THE WHOLE "what you put into your body thing from an herbal level". I will document the difference between my symptoms from the first treatment to see if there is any difference. I don't think it can hurt except for the $$$$$$ I spent. And I promise to not wear Birkenstocks and let the hair grow under my arm pits....it is going to fall out anyway so I don't have to worry about that one. I am sorry for the Hippie profiling, but I was never into that 60's thing anyway! Yes...I like TIM TEBOW!!!! Tonight we went to Seven Monks downtown for dinner. I admit I did pig out....braised veal shank, wine, an incredible chocolate chip ginger cookie with MOOMER'S ice cream....... AND TWO XANEX before I went to bed! "The Lord is my Shepard, I shall not want ...." Goodnight Moon!

Work at Brick Packaging

I probably should QUIT...it is not healthy for me, even though I like working. . .

Mommy and Tommy's Song

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tR-qQcNT_fY

1000 Things

It is 3:35AM Monday morning...I have 1000 things to do before Wednesday and the second round of SUPER VITAMINS at Dr. K's. 1000 things....notes and thank you cards, continue to put away Christmas and organize my Hobby room, finish filing the 2011 and 2010 tax information away (about time for 2010...it has been sitting on the study floor for over a year now), make new files and continue cleaning out the file cabinet in the study, start to clean out the filing cabinets in the basement with all of the old Brick Container paperwork that we can finally throw away after ten years,go through the ten bins of pictures of my life and my family's life for the past 31 years....hmmm I am out of time already. I pray that I can get all these things done in 1000 days...just about 3 years... I can not rub my head because every time I do, my hair falls out! Fortunately it doesn't hurt! I am going to be really PISSED if I lose my eyebrows...after my breasts and feet, they are the next prettiest feature. I have...(my eyelashes are one of the worst, so if they go I will just get some falsies!) My friend Meganne McC took pictures of my hair that I have now with Maggie and the hair that she has now...just as short. They say you start to look like your dog...well we match. Pictures soon!

Good Friday's Loss

Today was spent in reverence to our Lord.....Good Friday services at St. Joe's with Father Thome who makes any Mass, although today is the only day of the yearning the Catholic Church there is not a mass...we a L read the Passiom together, then venerated And kissed the Cross..... Jessica (Jack's GF) and I met BB, Halee, Peter and Blake at the theater to watch "The Hunger Games".....which I was totally unprepared for! Good thing I stuck a small bottle of rum ( I knew that is what BB likes, so yes I am blaming it on her ) in my purse for our $18 pop and popcorn! I have to say though....I rant to read all of the books now. So I hope my daughter pops the first one in the mail to me soon, I came home from dinner at the Elks, and wondered what was all over my black jacket? Lots of little white things... I can pick the hairs off my head by the handful....tomorrow I will shave my head for real...I will be totally humbled by Easter...I am reading at Church on Sunday...now the use of the Wig will be for real.... And yet this week I witnessed so many people that have it so much worse than I do...their burdens so much heavier... I am blessed to be where I am right now...and God will see me through this...His will, not mine. And I will wear my NEW PINK WIG to Chemo this Wednesday...5 more days of feeling good ahead!