I pity the Cancer- Mrs. T-Linda

Repaired Booby goes to Ireland

Repaired Booby goes to Ireland

Two days post my #5 Chemo we left for our long awaited family trip,to Ireland!  Of note about my fifth session, I wore a Mr T wig provided for me by Sue M and Katie M. Of course I had to complete the outfit with the customary set of lots of gold chains.  Dr.K doesn't quite know what to do with me...but he did say his office will miss me when I stop coming.  The curious thing that he said though was ”after this, there is nothing more I can do for you”.  That didn't sound very promising, so I will have to question him about this on my last visit, July 3rd.

Worst thing about my reactions this time is the damn watery eyes...I look like my eyelids have been turned inside out and my eyes look like a ”deer in the headlights”. I continue to have all my moles in various areas of my body, especially my chest, inflame and then finally settle down.  My left arm, the vein area where the chemo goes in appeared to burn this time.  Kinda bothers me because there aren't too many choices when it comes to this without having to do a port...my right arm is out of commission because of the lymph nodes that were removed.  Oh and my finger nails look hideous, as if they are lifting because all of the sudden there is more white than pink...but they are stronger then they have ever been...weird!

I am going to get a second opinion about the melano-cysts that were found in the lymph nodes to make sure that they are not a precursor to anything else..I expect to hear from the University of Michigan's Melanoma clinic when I get home....but first I have my sister's family coming to visit, and a week of Cherry Festival to get through first!

So...our trip to Ireland included our whole family, DJ, Megan and Joe, Tommy and Jack! A trip we have dreamed about for five years!  The timing was just right!  College graduations accomplished, DJ leaving for law school in August, Megan and Joe moving into their first big home two days after they return, and Jack’s summer school schedule  accommodating his absence.

We had lots of laughs, lots of Guinness and  Bulmers, Beautiful countryside and breathtaking shorelines.  We dined at some very special places taking advantage of eating all of the fresh seafood which we are not used to having in Traverse City.  For three days we all stayed in one house together which was a blast..except the mattresses sucked!  But it was fun to have us all together under one roof and able to relax in the living area by a fire. (interesting sharing two baths with 7 people, only 2 women sharing with all of the guys, toilet seats always left up..I actually thought I had taught them all better than that!)

The biggest lesson of the trip for me is that as much as I know that I will always be their mom, and want to help them with suggestions about how to navigate life with my recommendations, they are no longer mine.  I don't own them, and they don't owe me anything.  They will go through the passages of their lives without requiring my assistance and really not wanting my advice too often, and only if they ask.  And once they ask, chances are they will not take my advice anyway...it is just the way Life is meant to be...they all have to row their own boat.  All I can do is pray they all have safe journeys,  that they are happy in their hearts, and hope they know how deeply I love each and every one of them, and hope they forgive me for any mistakes they feel I made raising them.  And hope that someday they understand...

My hope is that we can keep them all together at least once each year so they realize the importance of staying close even if they live far apart.  Often a struggle for many families, and I can't say that I have been good about keeping close to my own relatives.  Once you have your own children, you make them so important for so long, you are like in a fog trying to raise them.  And the distance of the miles makes it hard too! 

Of course, by the next big trip, they should all be able to take us!!!!!

It was a blast, and certainly a bucket list for us all!

We had a family photo taken by Elaine Kennedy while in Dingle.  I will be excited to see it...wig, watery eyes and all.. . Of course everyone gave me grief about it...can't wait until they all try to do their own photos with their families someday ...what goes around comes around and I hope I will be around to just smile at their frustration and tell them ”I know how you feel”.

IREland....goodbye!

Dear Diary after Chemo #4

So I haven't written in awhile...busy with company from Minnesota after chemo #4. Sue M. And Katie M., mother and daughter who helped me make it through. Just needed two naps...and I kept up. I will admit that I go to bed earlier these days. The hot topic was "Shades of Grey"' so I admit I am reading it...Holy Smoke...the "vanilla sex" just about did me in....and my 26 year old daughter has read all three books. Man, I sure didn't tell her enough about the "facts of life" based on this book, YIKES! Some of the girls in my book club thought it was just wrong.....so a few of us started a "sub"club" and we will have props to show for our next reading. Holy Cow .....even the town of Newport , Rhode Island is hot for this book..the book store in town is buying back used copies because they can't keep them on the shelves. Those of you who have read the book will know the meaning behind the use of the phrase "Holy________" because the lead character uses it a lot and she is a very well read heroine!!!! .I will probably have a hard time sitting still on the plane as we fly to Ireland next week (all 7 of us! :) as I intend to download the next two sequel books on my IPAD so I have some good reading for the trip. Symptoms now are dry skin, it wants to crawl, rummy eyes again although not as bad, burnt tongue, and kinda pooped! Work is ending for e...not sure if I quit or just got ignored. Stress causes cancer,,,hmmmm! Needing to catch up with friends...but tired now and will sleep. " Shepard Me O God Beyond my wants, beyond my fears, from death into Life"

Sitting in Chemo #4

So I am sitting here in chemo with two men, wearing my purple wig with my pink breast cancer bra on over it. A slightly unconventional patient. Two more Chemos to go....will need two more wigs. Just waiting for my friends to show up with cameras and snacks...I have been so blessed to have such support! And I am amazed that I am doing so well..everyone else here this am is yellowish in color and sleeping. I slept well last night so I am not sleeping or snoring here today!! I have my singing class tonight ( yep this has been on my bucket list for over 15 years and this is a good reason to NOT put off what you want to do in Life. My next bucket list will be riding horses again) Work will definitely be on the back burner...just need a little to do weekly to keep me in the loop! (Maybe not!) Lastly book club tonight...didn't read the book but I am going to suggest "Shades of Grey". I think it is a sequel to "the fear of flying" which came out in the 1970's....so this book must be about baby boomer sex....wow and my daughter wants me to read it. This might be an over the top for my book club... The LOCQ's......which means "Lost Our Cherry Queens". You would have to live in Traverse City to get a part of the meaning for this....

'twas the night before #4

Laying in bed..taken the steriods today, and the Xanax tonight to take the edge of my thoughts... Lovely day, had a massage, then a drive in the country to dine for lunch at Fischer's Happy zhour to celebrate KB'S 60th birthday. It was somewhat difficult taking time off out of the day. I still could not let myself totally relax, still worried about work. I have got to get that corrected right out of my brain! But I did manage to slide back into work at four pm to check things out! I could start liking this time off thing! Xanax is working now,,I feel peaceful...I know I have two more of these "Super Vitamins that are kinda creepy but are helping me increase my survival rate" treatments to Go. I will have a treatment two days before we leave with all of our family to go to Ireland. Special precautions will have to be taken on the plane"but based on my last treatment..." IWill SURVIVE" and I will have my family around me as we travel. Tomorrow I will dress in purple, wear my new purple wig ( thanks to Katie and Sue Martin), and remind myself that I half it much easier than many of the others around me getting their chemo. Prayers for them. Good Night Moon,

Mother's Day 2012

A day late and a week or so short...but it was my best Mother's Day weekend ever..spent with my daughter Megan and her ever accepting of his MOL...my SOL...Joe! I went with them all day Saturday looking for houses...and of course I had the hardest time not putting my two cents in...in Japan the elders are considered for their wisdom...here, you have to watch about putting your two cents in! Lots of quipping with the realtor Michael who probably wanted to throw me out of the car when I asked too many questions and commented on his personal "too soon for activity with his new girlfriend"! I know I made points with Megan and Joe on that one!!!! Next time I go I will wear duct tape over my mouth! Sunday however was a very emotional day spent with Megan and Joe, Sue, Katie, and Tony Martin at the Susan G Koman Breast Cancer Race for the Cure at the Mall of America in Minneapolis. I decided we would decorate bras to wear over the outside of their racing clothes and so we did! We feathered, blinged ,used sparkly space looking balls, and cut nipple holes out of a bright red bra that my SOL Joe graciously wore in the race without complaining. I love him! And we were the ONLY ones wearing anything like that..getting comments from everyone. We were blown away that no one else had thought to do this...and there were LOTS of racers! ( of course we didn't see every one, but we like to think that we were trendsetters) 200K is the amount of people they thought were at this event. I saw friends crying and hugging as they finished the race...sobbing for someone they had lost due to this disease. Many raced with signs on their backs for "in memory of a loved one", but many wore signs celebrating survivors too! I choose to be a survivor, and I hope to run in that race next Mother's Day with my daughter. What a club to be in!

Mother's Day Weekend

So wonderful to be with my daughter Megan and my SOL Joe...they are a fun couple and it really gives me joy to see how much they love each other. Flew direct to Minneapolis because Delta FINALLY opened the route back up...and only $300...thanks for the deal Delta. Got to meet "The Office" where Megs works...so nice! Thursday...two and one-half hours in Target alone...lunch with Megs, three hours at "The Mall Of America"...actually I never made it out of Nordstroms. It is a good thing we moved away from all of this and that I live in Traveese City. I would seriously be in TROUBLE!!!! Friday...toodling around Minneapolis with cousin Sue...to the Arboretum to see Spring flowers and shop, to Pahl's Nursery to see lots of Pots and flowers, back to the MOA for more shopping and to pick up race packets for "The Susan B G. Koman Race for The Cure", Tiger Sushi, to see Sue's beautiful kitchen. And best of all to the Value Store to buy big bras to decorate for the race! And we found great ones to feather, and bling up with Sue M, Katie M, Megan O and me! Pizza and Girl Scout Thin Mint Chocolate cookies for dessert - that is why I am up in the middle of the night typing this...caffeine! L